Issues That Prevented His Spirit’s Release

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William was a troubled, nervous, and very wary dumb man, with over seventeen years’ experience of living in care.

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He was five months old when he was taken into care. Along with two brothers, he spent the next three months living in a children's nursery, cared for by nursery staff. However, he was then separated from his siblings and remained in care when his brothers returned home to live with their parents. William’s contact with his family was lost.

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Soon after this, William was fostered. He spent the next ten years living in a foster home, where he suffered many cruelties and harsh punishments for his foul-mouthing, lying, and petty thieving behaviours—like being forcibly restrained and having his hands held in flames burning on the top of hot gas stoves. He was pinned down on the ground and had cod liver oil and carbolic soap forced into his mouth. He was jabbed and stabbed with knives and forks, cuffed and thumped, struck with weapons and bruised. He was pinched, kicked, slapped, smacked, and thrashed with slippers and belts. He was shamed and humiliated in front of the whole family whenever he said or did anything wrong.

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William regularly wet his bed and suffered from epileptic fits. As a pupil at an infant school, he was bullied by other boys, slapped by teachers, and caned with the headmaster's cane. He slipped and fell through a warehouse roof, sustaining cuts, bruises, and broken bones. He was comatose for a time. When discharged from hospital, his social worker arranged for him to see a psychiatrist. He underwent psychiatric treatment and was diagnosed as being maladjusted and mentally and emotionally disturbed.

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At the age of eleven, William’s social worker removed him from his foster home and took him to live in a boarding school for maladjusted boys. There, he was bullied by other boys, slapped by teachers, and caned with the headmaster's cane. He was shamed and humiliated in front of all the other boys—his privileges taken away, forced to wear inadequate clothing to prevent him from running away. He ran away because a guest of the head pinned him to a bed and sexually assaulted him repeatedly.

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Unable to process the trauma, William became introverted and severely withdrawn. His mind was troubled and busy with thoughts. He found it difficult to learn and struggled to focus or concentrate on anything other than his ordeals. When he left school at sixteen, he left without any formal qualifications.

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After leaving school, his social worker took him to live in a children's home. Other boys bullied him—he could not name—and he was punished for running away. He ran away because he was groomed by his first employer’s wife, who took advantage of his vulnerability and used him for her sexual gratification. He became extremely nervous and very wary of people in every situation.

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William was discharged from care at eighteen—severely damaged and with little experience of the outside world. He was left to fend and care for himself, underdeveloped and unprepared for what soon became life, sleeping rough on the streets. He recovered from drug and alcohol misuse while serving time inside, but he never recovered from his ordeals. He still felt traumatised.

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The trauma he suffered whilst living in care haunted him for most of his life. The stigma of having lived in care and having poor mental and emotional health was equally despairing. Most people did not understand and were quick to judge. Although he tried hard to explain, it seemed his voice was not heard—or he was misunderstood. Mainly because his voice was silenced by the shock and fright of his ordeals. He found it difficult to vocalise his thoughts and express his feelings and needs.

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When he was young, instead of growing up and realising his true potential, William stopped growing when his heart broke with his loss and his mind became stuck in the past. The life-changing mental and emotional injuries William sustained as a child changed his life, defined his future, and affected his life as he aged.

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At fifty-three, William was again diagnosed with anxiety and depression. His troubled mind, nervousness, and wariness of people increased his anxiety level and unbalanced his mood. Suddenly, he was overwhelmed with disabling symptoms. He had sleep problems, social withdrawal, and a lack of motivation. He had difficulty conducting daily activities—washing, eating, changing clothes. Because William was institutionalised, he was dependent on other people, which led to his inability to make his own thoughtful decisions. He would run away and hide whenever he lost his mind, just as he did when he was a child.

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His symptoms fluctuated throughout the day at various times and levels. One minute he was cheerful and buoyant, and then suddenly, the next, he was deeply depressed and severely anxious about people and the outside world. When anxious, he felt nauseous, his muscles tensed, and he suffered from pounding headaches. He felt restless, had difficulty sleeping, and experienced a pounding and irregular heartbeat. He was always on edge. He dwelt on the past and thought over situations repeatedly. He churned in the pit of his stomach with a sense of dread and always thought the worst. He thought other people could see he was anxious. He thought they were looking at him and talking about him. He got hot and cold flushes, muscular cramps, and pins and needles in his hands and feet. He hurried and rushed home whenever he went out. He found it difficult to relax.

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When depressed, William felt numb and dysfunctional. He was often overwhelmed with vivid dreams, flashbacks, and dark memories of his terrifying ordeals. At fifty-four, he was assessed by a clinical psychologist who did not diagnose, but offered a specialised trauma intervention—indicating William was suffering from post-traumatic stress.

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During a consultation with his GP, who advised him not to accept the offer if the treatment was likely to make him unwell, they discussed the fact that travelling to and from the assessment—and engaging in the assessment itself—had, at various stages, left him depressed and anxious about people and the outside world. His GP thought that travelling to and from the same venue and engaging in the treatment were likely to make him ill as well. So, after considering the detrimental effects the intervention might have on his health, William followed his GP’s advice and declined the offer of specialised trauma intervention for survivors of sexual assault.

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He still could not focus on or concentrate on anything other than his ordeals. Even though he met his real family, reported his abusers to the police, and suffered the indignity and difficulty of desperately trying to vocalise and talk openly about his ordeals to psychologists and psychiatrists—many times in the past—he still couldn't find relief from his conditions or redress for his ordeals. These affected his autism spectrum of social anxieties, heightened senses, and meticulous planning and organisation. He still felt the pains of the scars that would not heal. He would become inconsolably tearful, sad, and heartbroken whenever he was rejected.

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His problems worsened when his anxiety level increased and his mood dipped. The only coping strategy William discovered that reduced his anxiety and lifted his mood was having no contact with people and mostly staying at home—where he felt safer, stronger, and more able to cope with his conditions and day-to-day concerns. He found it difficult to leave home for any reason. Because of his upbringing and disabling conditions, he could never hold down a permanent job. Mixing socially and closely was also difficult. Using the internet, public transport, libraries, and most public places was equally difficult for William, as he did not feel safe in unfamiliar surroundings or comfortable in the company of others.

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He regarded himself as mentally and emotionally disabled. As well as having no contact with people and mostly staying at home, his disabilities were managed with prescribed medication. And so, he lived the only way he knew—low, lacking, and in virtual isolation.

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Until the proclaimed King of all nations came. And He painted a body of heavenly paintings nobody on earth could paint.